Breakdown

Well, here we are. Crunch week. Hell week. My last week here for this semester.
I had jokingly told my friend to not be surprised if I randomly and unexpectedly cry. I didn't think that would actually happen because I'm not the crying sort.
And then today happened.
I was hoping to make it a little further in the week before having a breakdown. Of course, I keep learning how I'm not in control of these things.
I've been trying to be so good with my time, and I really have been. I'm planning out all my time and working on getting all these crazy projects and tests done. Today after I took my biology final (phew, first one out of the way!) I had carefully planned my afternoon:

- drop off photos for my personal semester-long project due tomorrow to be printed
- print box for graphic design packaging
- go to Wal-Mart for errands
- pick up perfectly printed photos
- study for various finals

I arrived at Sam's Club to print my photos only to find both the kiosks were busy. I waited in line hoping the little old ladies in front of me would be done any minute so I could drop off my photos and start running errands. An HOUR later, I finally got my turn only to find that not all my photos were showing up on my thumbdrive. Wasting an hour waiting only to discover I couldn't even print my photos pushed me to the breaking point. I drove back to campus banging on the steering wheel with angry tear-filled eyes – I cry the most when I'm mad – and talking to God all the way about how frustrated I was. I had been planning my time so well; there was no possible way I could have gotten around this unforeseeable setback. I was able to talk to my roommate which was a comfort before I wrangled up my technology and headed back to Sam's to try again. In total, it took 4 hours to print 20 photos, and I was never able to get them to work at Sam's; I had to go to UPS.

I have been praying every day for grace and strength to get through this week. I was even looking forward to seeing how I would grow through this week. Of course the trials come; how could I not expect them? Through the frustration I knew I knew I KNEW that our God is full of grace, and He gives us blessings we do not even deserve, and His strength is poured out on His children when we trust in Him. It was hard to accept and see that in that situation. It doesn't really seem that awful to anyone but me I'm sure, but having my careful plans turned awry (my only solution to the insanity of this week) was hard for me to cope with, not knowing if I would be able to accomplish everything I needed to. It's been stressful, but I know it doesn't have to be. I know there is peace in store for me, and as crazy as it seems, I can access it right now.

So I'm going to keep trusting in the God who plans all things and holds all things and cares for all things.

Continuing on in HIS love and grace and strength.